Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Looking back

If you had told me in early 2005, that in 2 years time I'd be a stay at home mother to a one year-old, I would've laughed in your face. Rudely.

Fat chance, I would've said. I'm going to travel the world. Learn how to scuba dive. Take flying lessons. Make VP at work. Maybe after all that, I'll think about having a baby. Maybe.

So, in August 2005, when the possibility that I might be pregnant dawned on me, I crossed my fingers and hoped it was something else. And when I saw that second pink line appear on the home pregnancy kit, I refused to believe it. These things aren't reliable, I told myself - and tried another one (I had bought 3). Damn pink stripe! Showed up again! And yet again!

I sat on the toilet and cried. This was all wrong. It was too soon. I was not ready. It was absolutely the wrong time in my career. There were so many reasons why this was a bad time to get pregnant.

By the time Moppet's Papa got home I was a blubbering mess. He was actually quite delighted, but since I was behaving like my world had come to an end, he wisely refrained from any yahooing and asked me what I wanted to do. He'd support my decision, he said - either way.

We sat down and talked. About what this baby would mean for us, our careers, and our future. And the more I thought about my options, one thing became clear - I did want a child. It was just that the timing was SO inconvenient. (It makes me laugh now - this thought of inconvenience. But spare a kind thought for a clueless 26 year-old who didn't know at that time that babies are born with inconvenience hardwired into their little brains (and butts)!)

In retrospect, I realise that I would probably never have been completely ready for a baby. There would never have been a 'convenient' time. I would have had to consciously decide to stop running on the corporate treadmill, and risk falling off it altogether. I would have had to deliberately consider the strain it would put on my comfortable marriage where we were happy doing our own separate things in a vaguely together sort of way.

I don't know that I would have had the courage.

As it happened, Moppet decided to take matters into her own hands, for which I am eternally grateful. And my life since she arrived is far richer than anything I could've imagined 2 years ago.

This is why I'm telling all my friends who've been saying they want babies but just don't know when (you know who you are :-)) - NOW is the time!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Moppets mom- although I am not one of your ilk (motherhood) I know what you mean- I felt the same way before we got married- thar this didnt seem to be the right time. and now that i AM married, i feel happy and glad and cant imgaine why I thought so many times about it.

Tharini said...

"we were happy doing our own separate things in a vaguely together sort of way."

Perfect description!! Lovely post. Good to have you guys back. :)

Tharini said...

Btw..thanks so much for bookmarking Saffron Tree!

Gauri said...

So very true - there never is such a thing as a "perfect" time to plan a baby or a "convenient" one.

BTW, there were things I wanted to do before I had my kids but did not get around to - so have shelved them on my "pending list". Crazy as it may sound - my list includes bungee jumping and skydiving.

Nice post :-)

Moppet's Mom said...

Anon: Yup, I suppose it's somewhat similar for any life-changing decision in our lives.

Tharini: Thanks, it's good to be back! And I LOVE Saffron Tree. Books are such an important part of my life, and I hope so desperately that they will be for Moppet too.

Gauri: No, no, it's not crazy at all. Bungee jumping was one of the things on my list I managed to get done before Moppet turned up! :-)

The Mad Momma said...

absolutely! the time is now and the place is here.. or any place you choose to do it.. because once the kids arrive... not so much time or so many places to do it!! :) jokes apart.. lovely post.. and yeah.. damn those two pink lines... though i of course was so thrilled to see them i rang up ppl at midnight to spread the news.

Anonymous said...

"comfortable marriage where we were happy doing our own separate things in a vaguely together sort of way"

.. my 2 cents [based on being the male spouse of one of your friends, which is how i have been introduced to your blogspot] is that I feel you put together sentences that capture an idea or a mood very well.. if you string enough of these together with a thread that holds them together, you have the beginnings of what may become a book or the basis of a screenplay.. keep writing ...:)

Moppet's Mom said...

Anon2: I'm terrible at accepting compliments - but have determined to do so with grace this time. So thank you very much :-)

karmickids said...

Babies are damn inconvenient, moppets mom, but am glad you know now that you wouldnt trade yours for the world...the world, of course, will wait. And yes, the baby makes the vaguely together part disappear, doesnt it...

Parul said...

Hey mm,

i had missed this post...thanks for letting me know...cool stuff...so this is how moppet happened..hmmmm....

Sue said...

Ah, so you took it about as well as I did, I see. The Bhablet's timing was way worse, of course.