Looking back

If you had told me in early 2005, that in 2 years time I'd be a stay at home mother to a one year-old, I would've laughed in your face. Rudely.

Fat chance, I would've said. I'm going to travel the world. Learn how to scuba dive. Take flying lessons. Make VP at work. Maybe after all that, I'll think about having a baby. Maybe.

So, in August 2005, when the possibility that I might be pregnant dawned on me, I crossed my fingers and hoped it was something else. And when I saw that second pink line appear on the home pregnancy kit, I refused to believe it. These things aren't reliable, I told myself - and tried another one (I had bought 3). Damn pink stripe! Showed up again! And yet again!

I sat on the toilet and cried. This was all wrong. It was too soon. I was not ready. It was absolutely the wrong time in my career. There were so many reasons why this was a bad time to get pregnant.

By the time Moppet's Papa got home I was a blubbering mess. He was actually quite delighted, but since I was behaving like my world had come to an end, he wisely refrained from any yahooing and asked me what I wanted to do. He'd support my decision, he said - either way.

We sat down and talked. About what this baby would mean for us, our careers, and our future. And the more I thought about my options, one thing became clear - I did want a child. It was just that the timing was SO inconvenient. (It makes me laugh now - this thought of inconvenience. But spare a kind thought for a clueless 26 year-old who didn't know at that time that babies are born with inconvenience hardwired into their little brains (and butts)!)

In retrospect, I realise that I would probably never have been completely ready for a baby. There would never have been a 'convenient' time. I would have had to consciously decide to stop running on the corporate treadmill, and risk falling off it altogether. I would have had to deliberately consider the strain it would put on my comfortable marriage where we were happy doing our own separate things in a vaguely together sort of way.

I don't know that I would have had the courage.

As it happened, Moppet decided to take matters into her own hands, for which I am eternally grateful. And my life since she arrived is far richer than anything I could've imagined 2 years ago.

This is why I'm telling all my friends who've been saying they want babies but just don't know when (you know who you are :-)) - NOW is the time!