Monday, September 3, 2007

Why Barney NEVER wears pants

Far, far away, in an ancient land once called Siam, there lived a little girl. Sixteen moons after she was born, a google-eyed oracle sent warning that the child was a small yet potent version of an erstwhile dark lord, but her parents paid no heed.

Indeed, it seemed that they might be right, for apart from a single unfortunate incident involving a blue elephant, the little girl showed no signs of any predisposition to evil.

And so it was that they all lived happily together, the little girl, her mother, father, and her best friend - a purple dinosaur called Baani.

It was but an innocent game that started it all. As night drew near, the little girl was preparing to retire to her bedchamber with the assistance of her father. All went well until the little girl decided she did not wish to wear her pantaloons.

Her father, that noble squire, blessed with every virtue but patience, did not take kindly to his daughter's refusal. A quick chase around the bedchamber led to her capture, but his attempts to restrain her and put the pantaloons on her met with resistance so fierce that in exasperation he made a thunderous declaration. Should the she refuse to wear her pantaloons, they would be given to Baani. Seeing that the declaration had no effect, he proceeded to stuff the hapless dinosaur into the little girl's pantaloons even as she watched in horror.

Then all hell broke loose.

It was at this moment that the mother entered the bedchamber. Oh, has ever a mother witnessed a more wretched spectacle?! Her only child, in the throes of a mad rage, screaming and wrestling with a dinosaur in an attempt to tear off his pants!

'Tis true, gentlefolk, and you are right to be shocked. But the wickedness does not end there.

For the mother, far from being horrified, as any gentlewoman ought to be, collapsed in unseemly mirth next to her husband, who was already rolling on the bed, tears of laughter streaming from his eyes.

It was some minutes before either of them thought to rescue Baani from being completely ravaged at the hands of their child. The little girl soon fell into a deep and happy slumber, proudly wearing the retrieved pantaloons.

Baani, however, carries the memory like a scar on his heart to this day. Which is why you will NEVER see him wearing pants of any sort. Ever.


40 comments:

Swati said...

Hahhaha..LOL

Very well written :)

Tharini said...

oh God! Pantaloons? Too much! And gentlefolk? Us? *flitter flutter*

Now I can finally explain to my fair son why Baani is one one garb short! :)

anja said...

fabulous tale oh gentle lady..thy Baani looketh most becoming! LOL!

Send your post to the PBS show producers..they could put it in their hall of fame=)

Something to Say said...

ROTFL - awesome!!
Poor Barney tho!!

choxbox said...

Oh god.. my tummy actually hurts from laughing so much! Plus my lil one is staring at me like I've gone nuts!

Terri said...

Hilarious! What did you guys do for entertainment before moppet was born?

Moppet's Mom said...

Swati, STS, Choxbox: Thank ye kindly, fair ladies! :-)

Tharini: I had always wondered - he'd wear hats and coats and even gloves, but never pants. It was only this Sunday that I understood why :-)

Anja: Umm - I'm not sure. Barney being relieved of his pants is probably not an appropriate hall of fame post! ;-)

Terri: I fear we lived a rather dull and boring life...

timepass said...

Hahaha...Poor Baani...As I had said earlier (on the death of plasticblue elephant), all animals better watch out for our dear Moppet....

Pixie said...

Haha!!! you made me laugh out loud at work!!!
But, Moppet and Baani are so.. cute!!
you have written it so well :-)
The same goes for the preschool posts too... :-)

Squiggles Mom said...

I burst out laughing and am still chuckling! I'm on her side though... how dare you give her pants to barney..huh.

Tina said...

This is so funny......I hope Moppet is still friends with Barney :)

Kowsalya Subramanian said...

This one was hilarious.. I think you were real curious to find out who barney - saw you other comment on utbtkids..

I was thinking that barney was a crocodile?

Very very bad you are teasing my favorite barney. I have watched it 2 years back and just love the way it sings

Sunita said...

ROTFL!!!!

the mad momma said...

LOL! I can only imagine her rage!

rbdans said...

I am running out of imagination to comment on yours, Tharini's and few other blogs. How many times can I say ROFL, ROFL?
I can count on you any day to have a hearty laugh. You did it again.

BTW, hubby is at a point where he swears he will hit em black and blue, anybody who sings 'I love you' wearing a purple outfit. Watch out!

Moppet's Mom said...

Timepass: Time to call the RSPCA, you think?

Pixie, Sunita, MM: Oh yes, it was totally slapstick! Moppet's Papa and I still chuckle whenever we see that wretched soft toy.

Squiggles Mom: To quote Shaggy - 'Wasn't me!' :-)

Tina: Oh, she's friends with Baani again. Whether he's friends with her after the mauling he got remains to be seen!

Kowsalya: Nope he's a dinosaur and for some unfathomable (to me) reason, he really appeals to the short people.

Rbdans: Glad to be of service! :-)

utbtkids said...

Moppet's mom, this not fair. It is midnight, th eUTBT household is quite but for the faint snoring noises. You made me laugh so hard that the hubby was roused from his deep slumber!

BTW, Mieja now sings, 'A laa thee', apparently her version of 'I love you'.

Moppet's Mom said...

utbtkids: Moppet and Mieja are twins, I tell you! Moppet sings 'Aai Laa ye' all the time. The only nice thing about it is that it usually also comes with a hug and a kiss for me :-)

Just Like That said...

Oh Moppet's Mom, you have to stop this, I tell you. I'm going purple in the face trying to control my laughs, I'm in office!!

Oh! I don't know who I fell sorrier for- poor outraged Baani or little enraged Moppet
Oh! hahahahahaha Too, too, WAY too funny!
Have tears in my eyes now...

aargee said...

hahhaha! so cute...very beautifully written too..
Kisses for Moppet and claps to you!

Gauri said...

LOL !!! This is hilarious.

Poor Hapless Baani !!! How could you ?? !!! :-)))

Shyam said...

Aw, poor ol' Baani, I bet he didnt want to wear pantaloons any more than Moppet did! What an injustice to a stuffed toy just because he doesnt have a voice... I'm going to report this to the Society Against Cruel and Unusual Punishment for Stuffed Toys! :D

Kodi's Mom said...

way to go, Moppet! serves Baani right...after that episode, wonder if he'll ever be singing the I love you song to her...hehehe (baani style laughter)

Suki said...

hahahahahahahaha! This particular teen also collapsed into her chair laughing at the image of an enraged Baby Voldemort struggling with "Baani"! :D

Sue said...

Ah. So now we know who wears the pants in your house.

mnamma said...

LOL, Moppet's Mom. Delurking for the first time to comment here. This post is just hilariours! Makes me wonder about Poppin's post - Urvashi's image fits you like a tee for posts like this :)

Moppet's Mom said...

JLT: Purple, eh? Related to our ol' dino here? :-p

Aargee: Thank you, thank you *deep curtesy*

Gauri: How could I?! How could I?! No, this one sits squarely on Moppet's Papa's shoulders!

Shyam: Oh no! I was wondering why no one reported Plasticblue Elephant's death. I guess our luck had to run out some time...

Kodi's Mom: I'd be quite happy to never hear that Barney chuckle again - but Moppet's made up with him and Aiy laa ye rings through the house once more...

Suki: :-D

Sue: Was there ever any doubt?!

mnamma: Welcome, and thank you! :-)

karmickids said...

Gosh, let me pick myself up from the floor...incredible Moppets Mom, you've outdone the Plasticblue murder report with this one...

Swati said...

came here 4 the very first time..
ur style of writing is very hilarious!

choxbox said...

juhi chawla - this post makes you her!

Malavika said...

You know, when you mentioned the I Love You song in a previous post, I was quite foxed- I had visions of Moppet crooning the cheesy "I Loooove You" background refrain that used to play in Maine Pyar Kiya everytime Salman and Bhagyashree exchanged arch looks and B coyly walked off leaving S half-frustrated. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why Moppet would do this! I stand enlightened now- I knew who Baani was but didn't realise he had a signature song :-)
Mala

Anonymous said...

Thanks to you, i spit coke on my monitor...hmmph

Sandhya

Y said...

Tag! You're IT!

Mystic Margarita said...

This is simply awesome! Love your humourous take on the seemingly trivial things that happen everyday. Have you considered penning a childrens' book? If you haven't, you should...seriously.

Moppet's Mom said...

Kiran: Murder and molestation! And I had thought this blog was G-rated! :-)

Swati: Welcome here, and thank you.

Choxbox: Yay! I like her!

Mala: LOL! What a picture - Moppet singing the MPK I love you song! I guess it's a measure of how much Baani has permeated our lives that I automatically assumed that everyone would know his song! I suppose your turn will come soon - although I must say that Barney mostly seems to have a fan following of little girls, so maybe you'll escape! :-)

Sandhya: Wipe off the coke, keep the smile! :-)

Y: Ok, next week - I'm off for the weekend.

Mystic: That's so sweet - although I'd probably have to find more appropriate content for children's tales! :-)

choxbox said...

I second Mystic - you should pen a kid's book :)

dipali said...

Nearly died laughing! Kya ishtyle hai, Moppet's Mom:)

Smitha said...

lol....rotfl.....MM this is ur best post ever.....u rock!

Poornima said...

You've outdone yourself babe! I cannot stop laughing.... Almost fell of the chair in office.... So if you hear I got fired from my brand new job, you know who's to blame. And yes... I am connected to the world finally... more info later.... :-)

Fuzzylogic said...

ROFLAO!undoubtedly one of your best posts. I can only imagine the poor Moppet's anguish at finding her beloved pantaloon's on Baani. Are you sure Baani is not suffering from any post traumatic stress disorder due to this?:)